I live and minister in one of the busiest communities in the United States. North Atlanta is a rat race. Everyone is going on with their life at nearly 120 miles per hour with their hair on fire. People's schedules are super packed. Everyone seems to be pushed to the limit with time, energy and resources. People's lives are isolated, walled-off and lonely.
In light of that, I am not surprised that the biggest cry I hear in the church is "I'm not Connected".
If that is you, or if someone you know says that to you, let me gently counsel you and give you some help in addressing this issue.
First, when are you realistically able to get connected? Wanting to get connected won't simply make it so. You need to make some margin in your life. You won't get connected if your schedule has no additional bandwidth. You need to slow down and cut some stuff out. In trying to do it all, something is going to get left out - most of the time it is relationships. Relationships take time, work and energy. They won't come easily and they won't happen unless you are INTENTIONAL in making them happen.
Second, why are you tell me? Why do people look at me and say, "I am NOT Connected!" What do people expect me to do about it? I know that this paragraph is going to get me into trouble, but it is important to deliver some honesty here. Because I am in charge of small groups some people therefore expect that I can work magic and get people connected. Let me burst your bubble, I can't. I cannot connect you. All I can do is help create and cultivate opportunities of connection and then point you in the right direction. But I can't make you connect. Connection and relationships are ultimately your responsibility and it will require all the necessary work and effort I mentioned in my first point.
Third, why are you ultimately making the point? Most of the time when I hear someone raise that concern, (of not connecting), it is often too late. Often when a person laments of having had no real connections they do so with another agenda in mind. They are usually ready and determined to leave the church and they merely want to justify their own decision by proclaiming, "I am NOT Connected!" The truth is, you must say something to someone when it really matters. You must speak up when we can help do something about it - and help YOU do something about it. If it is a real concern than you won't let months and years go by sitting silent.
My heart and concern is to help people within the church enter into life-giving, enriching, authentic and lasting relationships. I pray that if you are not connected, you will allow your schedule to accommodate relationships, that you will take the initiative and not wait any longer by remaining silent.
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8 comments:
I've often said, "America is the loneliest country to live in."
American's drive home from work, open their garage doors, drive in, close them, and stay indoors. Unlike years of the past when the front porch was the gathering place in many neighborhoods.
I think people are craving connection, but we aren't willing to adjust our life in order to make it happen.
Do people REALLY want to be connected? Do they understand what BEING connected means? Perhaps they want the thrills and frills (fun, friends, laughs, and memories) without the responsibility (ministry, regularity, vulnerability, participation, honesty, preparedness).
Ron, That is a good point that I forgot to mention. I remember reading an article from Dallas Willard about how young people always say that they want community, but when they finally get it, they run away. Flesh on Flesh relationship are messy, hard and difficult...do people really want what they are asking.???
I am an avid Gatherer. I am always trying to get my family and friends together. Just to be. Just to talk, interact, sit, share a meal, share and afternoon of fresh air doing nothing. I've blogged about this several times. Our schedules and our agendas are too full of unfulfilling "stuff" that doesn't matter a lick. If we don't have time for people we can see, feel and touch, how is there ever time for God? It makes me sad.
Bill,
I've linked to this post before from my blog, but I've tagged you with a Thinking Blogger Award for it now. I 've really come to appreciate your thoughts and offerings here and this one just struck a chord.
I hope you will be able to participate and point your readers to blogs that have made you think and challenged you.
Be blessed!
I just read a blog about creating community that hit close to home for me. Here is the link: http://mountainstate.typepad.com/leadership/2009/12/creating-community.html
My husband and I have had this issue with our church - not getting connected in spite of the fact that we intentionally look for it. We exercise hospitality and look for ways to serve. Even though we have reached out, in the past 6 years there has been little reaching back. We approached our pastor to discuss it but ultimately decided to leave the church when things stayed the same. It was not an easy decision.
@Helen,
thanks for the link...
I am sorry about your experience...
I think that our culture doesn't everything it can to work against creating connecting and community...
It feels too often like pushing a boulder up hill.
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